The Prowess of Battle Toasters
by ThereBeDragons17
Summary: Just because Tutor Borusa's one of the most respected teachers at Prydon Academy doesn't mean Theta won't prank him. WARNING: ridiculous and hopefully a little bit funny.


The door slammed open with a _bang. _Tutor Borusa entered, his red Prydonian robes flying out behind him. The new students jumped and sat straighter, clearly fearing that the Tutor was angry. Theta slouched lower. It was Borusa's normal entrance. Either he hadn't figured out that doors operated with less force or he was perpetually angry.

The class sat in rows of seats, each one raised a little higher up than the row in front of it. It was designed so that everyone could see the three large, blank electronic boards at the front of the classroom. It was these boards that were the focus of Theta's latest prank.

A new school year had just started, and Theta was certain that it was now his place as one of the older students to provide amusement for those poor younger students who hadn't yet perfected the delicate art of hijacking. At the expense of his teachers, of course. Indeed, Tutor Borusa didn't notice the little black box attached to the side of the middle screen, and, setting down something that looked very tech-y on his big, old-fashioned desk, launched right into his lecture on Gallifreyan history.

Koschei lounged in the chair to Theta's right. Ushas was two rows in front and three chairs to Theta's left. Vansell and Rallon were on the far side of the classroom. None of them, despite being Theta's best friends, knew about his prank.

He had to time it perfectly.

Tutor Borusa was halfway through his lecture when he stated, "…attributed to Rassilon. The three most famous of these artifacts are the Rod, Sash, and Key of Rassilon, each of which holds extraordinary power…"

The class broke down into muffled snickers. The psychic board, which had been mapping out Borusa's lecture as he had been speaking, had moved the images of the Rod, Sash, and Key of Rassilon to the left screen. The middle now displayed a very large, inaccurate and detailed diagram of something titled, 'THE TOASTER OF RASSILON'.

Borusa frowned at his students and turned to look at the board. The toaster disappeared before he could catch sight of it.

It reappeared as the Tutor turned back around. "As I was saying, the Key of Rassilon permits entrance to the Matrix-"

He was cut short as laugher rippled through the class. The image of the toaster was now demonstrating how you pulled down the lever to compress Daleks into a unique form of jam.

The image disappeared when he turned around, and reappeared again as turned his back. He gave his class a severe glare, which shut most of them up.

"I fail to see what is so amusing-"

The class positively shrieked with mirth as the different flavors of Dalek jam available appeared on the top of the screen.

Borusa stomped over to the screen, restarted it, and the image of the toaster never reappeared.

He went on.

Some time later, Borusa mentioned, "Battle TARDISes were developed to fight against the Daleks. This was when the Gallifreyan Army stopped using most of its foot soldiers and converted them into pilots. Their previous prowess in battle was applied to their daring flights-"

The toaster reappeared on the screen. It showed the toaster smashing lines of enemy Daleks into jam. It was captioned, '_The prowess of the Battle Toaster was never forgotten, even though it is used less by modern-day armies. It was a staple of ancient warfare, crushing Daleks wherever it went and providing soldiers with sustenance…"_

More snickers. Koschei choked trying not to make a sound. Borusa turned pink. "Is something funny, Koschei?"

"No sir," Koschei managed to choke out, before biting the front of his robes to keep silent.

"As I was saying, the positions of battle TARDISes were monitored by a single command node-"

"_Battle Toasters were all controlled by the Toaster of Rassilon, see previous diagram-"_

"-which was routed through the Matrix. The Matrix itself has never been hacked-"

"_-the last Toaster in existence has the power to override the Key of Rassilon and is therefore kept under the President's pillow at night-"_

"-Gallifrey has not, however, been at war for many hundreds of years-"

"-_the loss of the Battle Toasters has been considered the cause of the Post-War Depression, as the sudden drop in sales of jam caused the economy to crash-"_

"-however, with Daleks and even Sontarans pressing at our borders-"

"_-the return of the battle Toaster is viewed as a possibility, even now-"_

"-it is perhaps more of a reality than any of you in this room can imagine-"

He was interrupted again, but this time by the bell. Tutor Borusa, now throughly humiliated, switched off the board. "Class dismissed!"

Laughing, the Gallifreyan history class exited the classroom, and Borusa never notice Theta slip the black box off the side of the screen and into his pocket.


End file.
